officialunitedstates:

the key to doing well on any food network show is to make the portions of whatever you made so small that the judges cannot even taste it.  they will be impressed with your artistic expression and cannot rate your food poorly

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Anonymous: do you actually have a 4.0 gpa? i mean I know you're smart but holy canoli i am very impressed young man

officialunitedstates:

smokin linguini thank you much

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officialjeffgoldblum:

did we all just collectively forget that elijah wood was in spy kids 3

image

(via gondory)

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redgrieve:

Why is being told that Marilyn Manson removed his lower two ribs so he could suck his own dick in middle school like a common thing why is that an experience every American child goes through i just don’t

(via deanbean-and-samjam)

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